Man, I was reflecting on my life, my parents really ain’t shit. Everything I’ve come to learn, acquire and accomplish has been without their help since I was 14…
Out of curiousity, I introspectively analyzed some of my high school peers …some of them are were modest and remain, some of them I thought were cooler than me, them niggas are broken down lames, two girls I had crushes on have doctorates and live in million dollar homes while marrying the nerds I made fun of in school. And ALL the chicks that occupied my every thought crushes, heartbreakers, side pieces and associates.
They all busted…out of shape and married to weak ass flabby and sick niggas. I still get carded for drinks in 2013.
I was skimming through their pics, I notice their younger pics from High School, there was some figure in their life that got them through it. Money for clothes, rides to school, etc.
I had no one…copped my first car at 15, bought my own clothes, still I never fit in with them. My clique was outcasts and degenerates we was on some Lost Boys shit.
As grown men, after prison, investigations, playing catch up, some of my niggas are living better than these high school people I was jealous of.
I just wanted to belong …I realized I spent the last 10-15 years running from the pain. Not realizing I didn’t fit in because I was meant to be more than them and they saw it.
I don’t know if its a good thing or bad thing, I just know I see things they can’t see, they tell me that. I don’t know if I should feel guilty for doing me or thinkin I’m better than them.
I’m gonna ask my therapist about this next session, what makes me so angry and apprehensive towards them?