Welcome to Def Jam


If your not up on Rocascenes, you don’t know what you’re missing. It’s basically a fan fiction site dedicated to Jay-Z, Bleek, and the rest of the Rocafella roster. I first heard about it when Jay Smooth posted a hilarious exchange between Jay and The Game last year. There haven’t been any updates since that classic story, but the recent signing of Nas to Def Jam seems to have inspired the writer to get back on his game. The result is a hilarious account of Nas visiting the Def Jam offices to discuss his new contract with Jay:

[ After joining Jay-Z on stage, and becoming a free agent in the music industry, Nas finally decides to sign to Def Jam for his next few releases. This afternoon, he shows up to Jigga’s board room to finalize the deal, and discuss his future at the label. ]

Jay: Welcome, welcome.. come on in Nas.

Nas: What up big homie. Word.

(( Nas gives Jay a firm dap, accompanied by a hug. Despite both men being in their thirties, and discussing a corporate deal worth millions, the two interact on a level most familiar to them both. The older, Jewish lawyers surround the two rappers in an awkward silence, unsure as to whether or not to offer a regular handshake or a "hood greeting." Jay spares them the uncomfortable choice, and brings everyone to the table. ))

Jay: How you doin man?

Nas: I’m good man, I’m good. I been real busy all weekend, so I haven’t got much sleep. Word. But I can’t lie, I’m excited about this man. Real excited. Word.

Jay: We feel the same way, Nas. You’re a legend and we’re happy to have you on board here at Def Jam.

Nas: I appreciate that Jay.

Jay: It’s Mr. Carter while we’re in here.

Nas: *chuckles* Aw man, you silly.

Jay: *stern camel faced expression* 

Nas: …….Word. so, what’s on the agenda for today?

Jay: Today we’re basically just gonna discuss your future here at Def Jam, and your new direction as an artist. I want you to feel as comfortable as possible.

Nas: Thanks. I gotta say… I was real worried about signin to Def Jam.. with, you know.. you being boss and all.

Jay: I feel the same. But we grown, ya know? We gotta move past the past, and do what’s best for business.

Nas: Word. I feel that, my nigga. Word.

Jay: Don’t think of me as your boss. Think of me as your friend who controls your career and writes your checks.

Nas: Word. Speakin of checks, when will I be seeing the first one?

(( The Jew layers all enter huddle and whisper amongst themselves. Jay joins the huddle, and Nas can only make out bits and pieces of what’s being said. ))

Jay: *mumble mumble Ether mumble mumble*

Nas: Uh… Jay, I need–

Jay: Nas, with all due respect, I’m your boss now. I’d really appreciate it if you refer to me as Mr. Carter, or Sir. 

Read the rest here.

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18 Responses to “Welcome to Def Jam”

  1. Demiks Says:

    I thought Jay was in his 40’s

  2. thekid10705 Says:

    It would be sick if Jay really son’s Nas and controls what kind of music he now has to put out….

  3. Demiks Says:

    I never actually read that shit, but just realized how many flaws is in that shit.

    – Why would Cormega fuck with Def Jam? He went thru all those problems just trying to get “The Testament.”

    – And Mega had beef with Nas, so why would Mega say that Nas was his nigga? ( “I’m a real nigga. I’d take a bullet before snitchin, but for you, I made exceptions my nigga.” )

    – Dame was piping Rachel Roy AND Aaliyah at the same time then? Daaaamn!

    – This is suppose to be Roc-A-Fella fiction right? Then why didn’t they say Freeway (instead of Jeezy) to adlib? (Freeways been doing those adlibs before Jeezy even breathed Def Jam)

    That shit with Memph was funny though! It could even be true.

  4. Demiks Says:

    PS: Check this out, this is the first time I have EVER agreed with Fifty. (Read number 2) http://www.sohh.com/articles/article.php/8235

  5. doc Says:

    this shit is too stupid. lol…i cant belive i read that shit.

  6. CBRIZZLE Says:

    i thought it was funny. i know the dude that wrote that shit needs to get a girl or someshit, cause…..DAMN!!!!!…… he got to much time on his hands

  7. mr. pilliam Says:

    i like how it’s kinda anti-semitic, but not really. that’s really cool.

  8. eskay Says:

    *stern camel faced expression*

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