So The NBA Finals are all set to pop off tonight and the word on the street is everyone would have rather seen Phoenix vs Miami instead of the two best teams in the L. Well, I’m here to tell you otherwise. Dunks are great, no look passes are beautiful and Dwayne Wade carving up defenses gets me as excited as Shaq does when he is about to carve up a sandwich with extra mayo and anything else that will help him gain more weight.
But the reality of the situation is these are the two best teams in the league and although I am rooting for San Antonio, It really is too close to call in my opinion for me to sit here and bet the house on either team. Rather than bore you with your normal preview/predictions, Let’s break down position for position and see who has the edge.
C – Ben Wallace vs Nazr Mohammad – Sure Mohammad is named after arguably the greatest MC ever but thats where the comparision to greatness stops. Nazr is one of the few players who can foul out of a street game of 5 on 5, nevermind the league. Ben Wallace is just the opposite, he can’t foul out if he tried. His afro and Ultimate Warrior armbands alone give him the edge. Advantage – Pistons
PF – Rasheed Wallace vs Tim Duncan – First off, let me say I am a HUGE fan of Rasheed Wallace or as his teammates call him "Rosco". Not only did he attend UNC and has no problem telling David Stern how he’s an undercover racist, he is one of the most versatile big men in the L. On the flipside, I am a huge Tim Duncan fan because he is everything I’m taught not to like. Fundamentally sound, quiet, never been arrested and probably never listened to M.O.P a day in his life. But he is just to good. What it comes down to is the 8th Ave Israelite vs Mr. Whitebread. And anyone will tell you an Israelite will win everytime. But not in the NBA, sorry Rosco. Advantage – Spurs
SF – Tayshaun Prince vs Bruce Bowen – Is it just me or does Bruce Bowen look like the protype Create A Player in NBA Live? Thought so. And does Tayshaun Prince look like a full grown fetus? Both of these guys on defense are major pains in the ass, no homo. Tayshaun got a better offensive game than Bowen and thats basically because Bowens offensive game is just that, offensive. Advantage – Pistons
SG – Rip Hamilton vs Manu Ginobli – Let me say this, if theres a ghetto in Argentina, Manu lived there. This guy is about as reckless as a parent who lets their kids spend the night @ Michael Jacksons house. He will try to dunk on anyone and disregard them and talks trash in who knows what language. Rip Hamilton looks like Winky Wright but he’s not knocking Manu out. Advantage – Spurs
PG – Chauncy Billups vs Tony Parker – WeWe (no homo) France best PG is also one of the best in the L but also one of the most inconsistant. Chauncy Billups should be able to post up or shoot over Mr. Desperate Housewife all day but Parker should be able to blow past him all day. I’m gonna have to bitch up and put this one at a draw. They both won championships, this series will be the tiebreaker. Advantage – Draw
That being said, when the finals are over I will come back and edit this piece and make it seem like I picked the winner from the begining.
White people hate Sheed, which is why I like him.